


a friendship that lasted a lifetime

by scorpiotadashi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Unrequited Love, poor tsukki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28242375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiotadashi/pseuds/scorpiotadashi
Summary: One fateful night, Tsukishima Kei felt a tickle in his throat.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	a friendship that lasted a lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> i have no explanation for myself.
> 
> um ,,, enjoy?

Tsukishima Kei and Tadashi Yamaguchi.

Two peas in a pod. Siamese twins, even. However you refer to them, the point is still the same, they’re  _ always _ together. Inseparable, Yamaguchi was always trailing by Tsukishima’s side. Or Tsukki, as Yamaguchi lovingly referred to him as. They walked together, did homework together, were on the same volleyball team together,  ~~ dealt with Hinata and Kageyama together.  ~~ The dynamic duo.

Suddenly, one fateful night, Tsukishima Kei felt a tickle in his throat.

…

Tsukishima spent hours scouring the internet, looking for answers.

_ Why am I throwing up flowers? _

_ Yellow flowers list _

_ Chrysanthemums meaning _

_ Hanahaki disease, chrysanthemums, friendship. _

But the one thing Google could not answer was the one question that troubled Tsukishima the most.

Who?

…

The Karasuno volleyball team worked late into the darkness, the lights in the gym working overtime. Tsukishima was working on his passes with Daichi, and Yamaguchi was working on his pinch serves with Noya. Tsukishima was focusing on receiving the ball when he heard Noya’s cheer, head turning in his direction.

“Nice serve, Yamaguchi!” Yamaguchi blushed, hand rubbing behind his neck. His skin glistened with sweat, and yet he still looked ethereal, angelic, beauti-

_ Oh. _

_ Oh  _ **_no_ ** _. _

Tsukishima’s throat tickled with the yellow flowers once more.

…

Tsukishima tried to stare at Yamaguchi without him noticing, gears grinding in his mind.  _ He deserves to know, you’d want him to tell you if he had it, right? _

No, this wasn’t Yamaguchi’s problem. He didn’t need to know. He didn’t deserve this burden.

Tsukishima discreetly coughed up a chrysanthemum bud into his palm. 

…

Yamaguchi managed to convince Tsukki to stargaze with him up the hill near their houses. Yamaguchi even brought the familiar Transformers blanket that he used to sleep with up until the 8th grade.  _ It’s fluffy and it’s comfy, the stuff on it doesn’t matter Tsukki!  _ Tsukishima chuckled to himself as he settled on the soft material.

Yamaguchi was enamored with the night sky, eyes gleaming and mouth open in a little “o”. “It’s so … mesmerizing.”  _ So are you, Yama. _

Yamaguchi was lost in his thoughts, so Tsukki got lost in his.  _ Imagine, a world where I won’t die eventually, a world where I’m happy, a world where- _

Yamaguchi smiled, eyes dazzling once more. “Imagine … imagine how romantic it must be to fall in love here. Under the stars on a clear night, with nothing but the two of you. It’d be magical.”  _ So do it, do it Yama. _

_ Fall in love, _

_ With me. _

…

_ Cure for hanahaki _

_ God damn it _ . Tsukki searched and searched the internet, looking for another solution.  _ Not the surgery, please not the surgery _ . He didn’t want to go through it, he didn’t want to lose his feelings for Yamaguchi. Not Yamaguchi. Not the one who stuck for him through everything, the one who stood up for him, who made sure that he was giving his all and-

_ God  _ **_fucking_ ** _ damn it. _

_ … _

Tsukishima was walking with Yamaguchi after practice, Tsukki in line with Yamaguchi’s skips. Yamaguchi was rambling as usual, thinking that Tsukishima has his music blasting in his ears. He didn’t. He never has music playing. He listened to every one of Yamaguchi’s rambles, remembering every word. His favorite color is yellow, his favorite music artist is Rina Sawayama, he got an 89.03 on his math test that his teacher ever so graciously rounded up to an 89.92. That day, Yamaguchi was talking about his parents anniversary. “He even got her flowers! They were so pretty, chrysanthemums! They’re my favorite flower too, you know.” Tsukishima stiffened up, his mind unable to come up with any thoughts. “Tsukki, you ok?” Tsukishima shook his head, signaled he was fine, and kept walking.

Yellow.

Chrysanthemums.

Fuck.

…

Tsukishima rushed to the bathroom, the bath mat now all too familiar. He retched up the red-stained petals, contrasting with the white ceramic of the tiles. His mind was foggy, his chest ached. He just wanted it to  _ stop. _

Tsukishima sat on the tiles of the floor for a while, seemingly unable to move, the taste of iron fresh in his mouth and mind. He  _ ached _ , his body heavy, vision blurry. He looked down at the petals, the colors now permanently ingrained in his subconscious. That’s when it hit him.

Yamaguchi.

_ Yamaguchi will never love me. _

And for the first time in his near present, Tsukishima Kei cried. He cried and cried, sobs racking his body. He shook while his vision went blurry, the front that he put up for so long shattering across the very tiles he sat on.

…

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sat with Kageyama and Hinata in the veranda, Hinata talking about god-knows-what, as per usual. Yamaguchi was also talking animatedly with Hinata, seemingly engrossed in the conversation. Kageyama was setting the ball against the wall, and Tsukishima was in a world of his own, his perfect world, one where it was filled with yellow chrysanthemums and happiness, pure joy. A world where Yamaguchi was his, a world where Tsukishima could be happy, could be  _ loved _ . 

Unbeknownst to Tsukki, Yamaguchi stole glances of him, deep in thought.  _ He’d at least have his headphones on.  _ “You ok, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima snapped out of his daze, turning towards him. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. Peachy.” He throws in a sarcastic comment so Yamaguchi wouldn’t suspect him more.

“Hmm alright. Well, if there’s anything you want to tell me, I’m here, ok?”

_ I love you. I fucking love you, goddamnit. _

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi giggled. The flowers weighed against his throat once more. 

…

Tsukishima dropped his bag near his desk, and sat down in the worn-out office chair. He thought and thought, just as he's been doing all these past weeks. He thought.

And then, he wrote.

… 

Tsukishima wearily entered Yamaguchi’s room, worried that the flowers filling up his lungs might expose themselves to him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, waiting for Yamaguchi to enter the room as well. He sees the familiar fluffy blanket, and the taste of iron appears in the back of his throat.  _ Not now,  _ _ please _ _ not now. _ The petals tickle his throat, the full bud making it hard to breath.  _ Fuck,  _ **_fuck._ ** Yamaguchi walked into his room, beaming at him. “I brought you your favorite strawberry shortcake from across the street!”  **_Fuck._ **

He rushed out of the room, making a beeline for the bathroom. “Tsukki? Tsukki wai-” And then he saw it. The red-stained petals.

Tsukishima heaved into the toilet, eyes stinging and throat burning.  _ Please make it stop, no more please.  _ He felt lightheaded as he tried to stand up, needing the bathroom counter for support. “Tsukki?”  _ Oh no. Oh no no. _

He turned towards his best friend, feeling guilty. “That’s me.” He huffed a bitter chuckle.

“Tsukki, why didn’t you tell me? How long has this been going on?!”

“A couple of months-”

“Months?! You have been suffering for  _ months _ and you wouldn’t tell me, your supposed best friend?!?”

Tsukki winced at his tone. “It’s not that big a deal-”

“Y-you should have told me! You’re … you’re  _ dying,  _ Tsukki!”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“Tsukki  _ please _ !” Yamaguchi’s voice broke off at the end, his voice choked up. Tsukishima looked down towards Yamaguchi’s hands where the petals were.

“Who? Who is it that's making you suffer like this?”

Tsukishima’s knuckles went white against the countertop, and he smiled. “Chrysanthemums.”

“W-what?”

“Chrysanthemums, yellow chrysanthemums.” Tsukki spoke with a weak voice. “Your favorite.” His vision went white as well, and his grip on the countertop loosened. He collapsed onto the floor, shrieks and cries of “Tsukki!” filling the air. Yamaguchi rushed towards Tsukishima, cradling him in his arms. Tsukishima thought bitterly,  _ This is what I’ve been wanting, and of all the times it could have happened, it happens to be now _ . But as he laid in his arms, he realized that this is the happiest he’s been in a while, next to his love, next to Yamaguchi. His Yamaguchi. He smiled.

It was a smile that lasted the rest of his life.

…

_ Yamaguchi Tadashi, _

_ Well um, this is awkward, isn’t it? So if you see this, it means I’ve … moved on. If you don’t see this, you will never because I would have burned it. Anyways- _

_ Hopefully, you didn’t find out. But in the rare event that you do, here’s a little recap. I had Hanahaki disease. It made me throw up flowers, and it brought up blood too. There’s a cure, a surgery. But it would mean I would have lost all my feelings for the one I love, for you. You’re the one I love, Tadashi. Surprise? _

_ How could I not love you? You lit up every room you were in, you did everything with a smile on your face. That beautiful smile. _

_ The chrysanthemums. Oh, how beautiful they were. Even though they filled my lungs with petals that choked and hurt, they reminded me of you. The luminousness of the petals, the luminousness of you. The yellow chrysanthemums. _

_ I should have told you, told you I loved you, no matter if I had the disease or not. You did everything for me, and I did nothing for you. I never showed my gratitude, everytime I wanted to say something to you, a “Shut up, Yamaguchi” would pop out of my mouth again. I should have told you, told you how grateful I was that I had a friend such as you in my life. _

_ I loved you. I  _ ~~_ loved _ ~~ _ love you, and I never said it, and I'm so, so sorry. _

_ I love you. _

_ Don’t forget me. _

_ Your best friend for life, _

_ Tsukishima Kei _

_ Tsukki~ _

Next to the letter laid a flower.

A bright, yellow chrysanthemum.

**Author's Note:**

> aha
> 
> constructive criticism is much appreciated !! i always want to learn how i can improve :D


End file.
